I'm sitting in a new co-working cafe in my town as I write this. You see, my work from home isn't working for me right now, and I had to get out of my house.
Recently, I've felt very victimized by my work from home experience. Let me explain why.
My Typical WFH Day
I dedicate 7 AM to 8:45 AM to getting my daughters off to school. I create supportive energy to start their day off on the right foot. I do not check my email or even think about what I have to do. I'm in focused, Mom-Mode.
Once they are off to school, my day begins. I meditate, review my calendar and priorities for the day, and start work. I usually take a break for lunch and a walk at 12:30 PM and then return to work.
At 2 PM, the energy shifts in my house when my nanny arrives, and my kids follow shortly after. Welcoming them home is an excellent breaking point for me, but it's what happens after that isn't working anymore.
I'll take a step back and explain my office is on my house's first floor with glass doors. I'm visible and accessible to everyone. So when everyone is home, I am interrupted, and lately, it has frequently been happening. The constant disruption makes me feel like I'm not doing my best work and always forgetting something.
What's a WFH Mom to Do?
I left the house.
Not being physically there is the most significant boundary I could put into place.
I had a few downloads while OOHO (out of home office). I realized I didn't want to go to a co-working space every day. However, leaving the house might make sense when I focus on writing and more complex work.
I also realized nobody ever knocks on Aaron, my husband's door, disrupting him.
Why is this the case?
His office is upstairs with a solid door. Oh, and society values a man's time differently than a woman's.
As a trained Fair Play Method facilitator, I have the power to dig into my toolbox to create a new reality for myself.
My tools include sharing with Aaron what I experience—explaining how he benefits from a system where his workday flows, while I bear the emotional and mental burden of caring for everyone while simultaneously trying to do my professional job.
I also need to have a conversation with my daughters and set some new boundaries. I don't want them to feel like they are doing anything wrong, but the girls take it very personally when they realize they treat me differently from Daddy.
Even though I hate to see them torn up, I believe their strong reactions mean the work I'm doing to break the cycle of imbalance for the next generation is occurring. Once my daughters have awareness, their behavior changes, and they can take that awareness into their future relationships and family structures.
I will have these conversations when emotions are low and cognition is high to help create a calmer way to communicate. It would be ineffective to have these discussions when I feel stressed and upset.
If you are a working mother experiencing a feeling of victimhood because your WFH boundaries are not being respected, I invite you to explore how to create new realities for yourself by using the Fair Play Method.